Reality Bites in Fashion

I am a lady of very few words and letters, however, I have to address a subject that has been haunting me for awhile now. To express my disgust, I have written the following letter:

Dear Heidi,

I was having a terrific little Saturday, strolling down Robertson Blvd, minding my own biznatch while it was rudely interrupted by a sight that almost forced me to gauge my own eyes out– “HEIDIWOOD” was tagged across the Kitson display window along with the tattered strips of fabric that you call clothes. I nearly fell to the floor as I looked in disbelief at your display that slightly resembled the DVD cover of Strippers on Ice (I saw it advertised on Santa Monica Blvd, ok?)

When I first learned that Lauren Conrad was starting her own collection I was completely shocked and perturbed since she lacks taste, sophistication, and creativity. However, I gotta give her credit for not making clothes for street walkers. (Almost, but not quite yet.)

Heidi, I am embarrassed to admit that I design clothes that hang in the same store as you. You are a disgrace to fashion. I shake my head at the people that allowed you to into the fashion world. And you most definitely cannot call yourself a designer since all you did was find remnents from the old warehouse of Clothestime and re-label them.

AND, just because you wear Louboutins with your hoochie shorts and Zebra print halter doesn’t mean it gives the outfit more value! TAKE THOSE LOUBOUTINS OFF!! You don’t deserve to wear them. But I am really, truly upset that I wasn’t able to try out for your Heidi look-a-alike contest. I was really looking forward to walking in your fashion show. I just didn’t have time to get my nose, chin, lips and boobs done in time. That’s too bad…

In all seriousness, please stop the madness and let the real designers do their job. You are pretty much fashion roadkill to us. We are going to run over you until you are squished to a messy pancake. Stick to your singing career. You’ll have much better luck with that…..

-totally your biggest fan

Rockfordwood